However, today’s advice can be used over any period of time you deem necessary.

Wait a second. Have any of you seen my shnarblamph? WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT? I need my shnarblamph to even update this thing!

You are probably wondering what the heck I’m talking about, aren’t you. This leads us to Tip Number Four: DON’T STEAL MY __________!!!

This is simple. Accuse him (or her) or stealing something from you, and get absolutely furious with them. Bonus points if it’s a made-up something (like shnarblamph!), and never. let. it. drop. You can be in the middle of Subway, and then yell at him for stealing your Shnarblamph.

When he finally breaks up with you (or when you feel he is at the edge), pick up some random, every day object and go, “Here’s my __________!!! You never took it at all!” And smile. Like a crazy person.

Hopefully he/she will run for the door, and you will once again be…a SINGLE LADY! (Or man. But that was inspired by tonights episode of GLEE!)

Live long and prosper.
Rahnawyn.

Anyway, on to day…whatever it is. I sure do hope you’re finding all this helpful (or amusing, take your pick).

So, have you taken to muttering about the horror that is yogurt, yet? If so…this blog is not responsible for any harm that may come to you or any third party companies.

Now that’s out of the way….Do you have a relationship with someone who argues a lot? If so, great! Than this is exactly what you need.

Have you seen Accepted? It’s this absolutely hilarious movie. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it. Now. I’ll be right here, waiting for you to get back.

Now that you’ve seen it, it’s time to move on. Tip #3: BATTLE ROYAL! Yup. I see you all laughing out there. No, I’m not stalking you. I promise…

Anyway, this one is simple. Whenever he (or she) starts arguing with someone, run up and scream, “BATTLE ROYAL!” And then simply turn and walk away.

Get it? Good.

This is Rahnawyn, signing off.

Today, we will be talking about yogurt. You might like yogurt. I personally despise it, and haven’t eaten it for five years. Yuck. Thusly, yogurt is going to be the focus of the rest of your relationship (which hopefully won’t last long after you have used the tips I’m giving you).

When your boyfriend (or girlfriend) tell you those magic words, those words that make you want to puke and punch them in the face, the words that would make you run over your aunt’s gerbile… “I love you.” There is only one thing that you can say in reply. Actually, you would yell it in reply. Eight words. Eight wonderful, magical breakup words. Would you like to know what they are? Alright.

“I don’t want to be loved by yogurt!” Not only does this phrase indicate how random you really are, and makes the boyfriend/girlfriend wonder why the heck they are dating you…it also gets across the point that no matter how many times they get on their hands and knees and ask you to love them, you are never going to say you love them. Because you don’t. Otherwise, why would you be reading this?

So that’s it, in a nutshell. Remember the grossness that is yogurt. Tell that to whoever tells you they love you.

Live long and prosper.

Rahnawyn.

Although Juliet didn’t quite go the road I hope you do (I mean, she and Romeo ended up dead), the moral behind that quote sticks with you.

A name is a powerful thing. And this leads us to Tip #1: The Name Game.

Most couples have sweet nicknames that they call each other: Honey, sweetie, sexy, whatever floats your boat. And you aren’t afraid to say these in public.

If you want to embarrass a your guy (or girl) to the point of breaking up with you, switch that nickname up. When you walk over to your boyfriend, say (with a perfectly straight face), “Hello, Squirrelycakes! I’ve missed you so much!” Make sure that you save this for when he is around all of his guy friends for maximum embarrassment.

If you are a guy looking for help, say this to your girl: “Pimply! Oi, pimply! You’re as marvelous as the lone pimple on my left butt cheek, and I want you to stay there forever, and keep reminding me that you are never going to leave!”
Once again, make sure that she is surrounded by a group of girls.

This should help. Leave me your thoughts on this first method. Tell me how it worked for you.

This is Rahnawyn, signing off.

Whatever the case, breaking up with them isn’t as easy as you thought it would be. That is what this blog is here for. Every day will come a brand-new way of getting someone to break up with you. That way, you won’t feel terrible about the relationship working out.

Whether you are single and looking for help in the future, or a spineless coward who is afraid to say, “I want to break up with you,” you have come to the right place. Hopefully my …quirky ways of looking at a break-up make you smile, laugh, pee your pants, and eventually help you lose that person that you just don’t love anymore.

This is Rahnawyn, signing out.